you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
