When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
