i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
