Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
