I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
