She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
