i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He kissed a someone with a penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
