You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
