ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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