xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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