Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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