Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
