To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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