all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
