areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my being single is dangerous.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
