It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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