Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
