Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
