Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
