I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
