Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
