If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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