i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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