I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
there's paper in my vomit.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
