tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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