Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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