She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
