The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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