i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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