Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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