It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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