You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
