Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
