playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
