Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
