Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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