just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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