Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
