yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
