I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
