There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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