apparently the secret to your success is patron
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
