And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
