i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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