What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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