How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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