I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
