Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
