I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
