I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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