I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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