she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
