90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
