Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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