I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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