Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
