Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
