I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
