sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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