is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
