Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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