when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
