He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my liver is dry heaving
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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