btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
