OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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