I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have fence marks all over my body
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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