god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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