So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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