I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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