I'm drive I can fine osifer
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
