not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
