How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
