Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
