you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
