It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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