Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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